I remember trying to say ‘Am okay’ but my Hurt couldn’t allow me…I broke down

It’s interesting to learn that God doesn’t need you to be perfect. Wondering where I am headed with this? Keep reading ……Let’s continue with my Last One Year Series Part 2, if you didn’t read Part 1 I got you, just click I had to admit that My Heart was Breaking ….

Now if you are following keenly you will realize I did mention that I had an intense year. What I hadn’t mentioned was the better part of last year I barely went to Church. I would probably say it was a 50/50 situation. I know you shocked but let me try explain myself. Now for the better part my Life I have been raised as a Catholic.  I liked it until at one point (Read Several years before I changed) I could barely remember what had been preached by Sunday Afternoon. So all together I just stopped going because it felt more like I was just ticking the box. I had learned to do church, I knew all the responses for mass even in my sleep and that was just it.

 

Now before I settled in the church I currently attend (Nairobi Chapel Kiambu Road) it was a journey all together. I tried several churches. You’ve got to understand having been from a very conservative church I wasn’t appealed by the ‘Hype’ churches ….. I was looking for a ‘Low Key kinda Church’ but with direction and structure. And in my search I could go to a church for 2/3 Sundays and quite and look again until I settled on this one.

I had to admit that My Heart was Breaking ….

I would like to begin with an apology. An apology because I went MIA with no heads up or permission from my loyal readers. Trust and believe that I was really caught up with life and at one point a lot of balls were moving in my court and I just needed to slow down and juggle as per priorities unfolded. I feel like I can now get back to this, back to blogging, back to my safest owned space ….. My thoughts a loud  I had missed it to say the very least. At some point I was scared I had nothing to write, no inspiration but even more terrifying I wasn’t sure whether I could keep writing and sharing what I believe in; Real Situations, Real Life. I know you wondering why, right? Well it is because when I started this blog I wanted it to be about real life situations that happen to me, to my loved ones and to you. I know there’s ideal and then there’s reality. I want my Blog to reflect reality. Now where do I start?

  

If you follow me on Instagram & Facebook you will realize that on my Birthday post I promised to write about my gone 26^th year. Last year I gave a breakdown of how my year was. This time I choose to do it a little differently. To be honest I wasn’t sure if and how I could tell my last one year. So am thinking just bits of it, enough to speak to someone and an overlay that am comfortable with. Just like last year, am still working through some things actually lets be bare….a lot of things. But am also embracing more beautiful things that have been set on my path. A lot happened, if you hadn’t picked up on that yet this is me officially letting you know. Buckle up ….  

An open letter to my future Husband

Now that I think about it, there are a million ways on how I can start this letter but first I will say am sorry and thank you. I know it sounds crazy but allow me to break it down.

Allow me to break it down!

Am sorry that you had a difficult past, I know that you have had and are working hard, to prove yourself and do better. I know that there are things that you possibly working through, addictions you are facing and trying to break, battles that you are preparing for and I know that with all this you are trying to still live up to the man that you want to be defined as. My love, it is still for these difficult situations that am thankful for. The resilience you building is not in vain. For when we face difficult phases in our life together we shall rise above it, we will be each other’s pillar of strength and we will always emerge stronger and thankful for the situation with a praise on God’s faithfulness in our lives.

 

Am sorry that your ‘exes’ will break your heart. Am sorry they will push you to a darkness that you never thought possible. Am sorry they will never treat you with the worth that you deserve, the value that you have set, the love that you crave for, the care that you show them and the respect that even our God commands. Though sorry am really thankful that by not doing all that, they will push you to me and they will give me the chance to do all that and more for you. They will push you to our life together, to our future, to our destiny.

 

With This Dress I could Wed!

A WOMAN’S DRESS

should be like a barbed -wire fence: serving it’s purpose without obstructing the view.

-Anonymous

 

Life is a party, Dress Like it!

 If I could wed, I would like to think that this is what could be going through my mind, besides I have heard often enough that choosing a dress is like choosing a partner.

Yes to the dress.

I think of the day I first met you and I would never have known how much my life would change years later. Then I think of the first day I lay my eyes on you and saw that sparkle that would light fireworks and light us on to a deeper more intimate level and am overwhelmed. YES we made it.

 

Yes to the Dress!

 

OFF BEAT

I love my age. Old enough to know better. Young enough not to care. Experienced enough to do it right.

– Anonymous

A little effort, a little more Witt just to be a little braver for a little bit longer

A peddle stone, rolling deep, the quick sand, even the stars seem to be aligning.

Did my song change or was I slow to change my moves?

I think off beat is more like it.

 

 Is anyone out there? Does anyone care? Is anyone even listening?

The 20’s? Crazy how you believe you will never get old, maybe just experienced.

 

Early 20’s

Acquire a B.A, Make all the bad decisions. Date the ‘hot’ boy/girl.

Something about Y.O.L.O…. defining what fun is? And you choosing your best poison.

Keep the friends who turn it up because then, only up is the ultimate ambition.

Early 20’s, you dance to the beat rarely will you be off beat.

 

But My Inner goddess

Teach a woman and you teach an entire village.
-A

Women Colour the World with so much Sunshine. You want constructive criticism, turn to a woman, you want support, turn to a woman, you want encouragement, turn to woman, you want love, turn to a woman, you need a prayer, turn to a woman,you want a friend, turn to a woman.We were created for so  much and we take on the responsibilities with so much grace even when we feel like almost quitting.

To all Women in the world;

Happy Happy International Women’s Day.

Shiko's XtraMile

Jennifer Hudson sung think like a man act like a lady, Steve Harvey wrote the book and it has had a run of two splendid movies. So much controversy on what a woman should be with hush tags such as #mwanamke ni trending in our social space. Being a woman is a full-time job, yes I said it. So much expectation from the society yet at the same time it is still underlined by some traditional aspect of what is expected from a woman. A woman needs to deal with the world’s concern, face her own personal insecurities and still rise to the occasion of what is expected from her. We juggle as we baffle at the amazing things we can take at a given moment. We truly are super woman.

                 For that woman who believes it doesn’t get better, this one is for you…………

 Happy International…

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Award-winning Book (My 1st Read for the Year)

We read to know we are not alone.

-C.S Lewis

 

If we could plan for the next minute, next hour, next day, next month or the next year we could come up with picture perfect ideas and resolutions. However despite the next unknown being void of mistakes and perfectly unstained there’s just so much that we never plan for but we get to deal with along the way. That said, earlier in the year I made a Time resolution that I have been very intentional in keeping. If you missed that you can check it out My One Resolution!

 

Some aspects of my life are yet to feel my time resolution but other aspects have had the pleasure to see me try. Awhile back and by that I mean 2 years back I was better on my reading game. Unfortunately life got busy and this became a very luxurious thing to do. I know, don’t judge. Carried away by this resolution I decided to ship in a number of books for the year and they recently got here and got a home at my place. Super excited about this by the way.

 

Just Breathe

This town is beautiful. This town is where my dreams will come to life. Seated at the left side back sit and a quick thought of madam secretary feel dashes in and out of my mind so quick even a snap shot couldn’t even catch it. This town is most beautiful at night, the sky is dark; a hay of some dark navy blue clouds paint the sky, no stars but the moon is having a collaboration with the street lights. Cruising on the clear bypass and directly through the highway…. can it get any beautiful?

 

 

 

I close my eyes and savor the night; the cold breeze blows through my quarter downed window. My cheeks get cold and I run my fingers on my face to warm the chill.  As soon as my face can balance the temperatures I remember tomorrow is Monday and just like that a daze fills my face but still; my eyes glued out of the window. I tell myself I have faced more Mondays than weekends, but this Monday at the back of my mind will always be different. It will take something out of me but it will also plant another chapter in my town. Ten….nine….eight… I count myself down all the way to one and I BREATH. In and out and just like that am back to this beautiful town.

 

The letter I wish I got.

The last couple of years have been bitter sweet. It has been characterized by a lot of unexpected, untimed situations that needed to be embraced as the waves tumbled my emotions around. It’s been intense, I wish I would have received a manual to get me through life or at least a letter from my younger self even if it just meant a heads up.

 

 

 

To the girl who looks at life with so much colour,

I wish you knew that one day you will understand that life is complicated. That some people you expected to love you will not always come through. They will find you weak, imperfect and very stubborn. You will try live your life for them, you will drop things and put your life on hold all in the name of love and service but someone else will always be a better version of you. You will never measure up to the standards put forth.

My One Resolution!

Too many people miss the silver lining because they are expecting gold.

– Maurice Setter

 

You can try think that some things may be as easy as 123, ABC or such as a tune of your favorite song. Sometimes we have to stand outside in order to look in. To see with much clarity, some times you have to separate yourself from your being. Sometimes you have to be a stranger to know better, to understand better and most of all to progress better.

 

Sometimes speed means delay. Sometimes happiness means knowing when to let go no matter how much it may hurt. Sometimes peace means change. Sometimes strength is not being afraid to walk alone. Sometimes in order to move on you need to deal with your insecurities. Sometimes in letting go we gain what was really meant for us. If you are full you can’t try a different cuisine or can you?